It’s the beginning of the tourist season and out on the west coast, in the tiny town of Victoria Beach, a whale of a problem develops. A humpback whale beaches itself then up and dies.

The town recruits a think-tank made up of the mayor and his staff, the chief of police, and a few smart lawyers. Every plan to move the whale fails. It’s too heavy.

Then Niles, the mayor’s public relations guy, a slender young chap fresh out of college, asks for the mayor’s permission to speak.

The plan that Niles outlines draws applause. "It’s so simple-it’ll work!" the mayor proclaims. Here’s Niles’ plan in a nutshell:

"We’ll requisition dynamite from the hardware store and blow up the whale. He’s already dead! We’ll drill holes in him, then slide in the sticks of dynamite, and make a common fuse."

Niles theorizes the explosion will "practically disintegrate the beast. Itty-bitty fragments of whale meat will scatter on the beach only to be eaten by the thousands of sea gulls that already live here."

"Let’s do it!" the mayor shouts.

Several hours later the whale is fully wired. The crowd falls back a quarter of a mile. A town cop lights the fuse, then heads for cover.

VAROOM! When the whale meat stops raining down, a towns guy asks, "What’s that on top of the mayor’s car?"

"Looks like a huge hunk of whale blubber," somebody answers. A 100 pound piece of whale blubber also caves in the roof of the police chief’s car. Huge chunks of rotting whale meat are everywhere-stinking up the beach.

"Not to worry," says the mayor, "the sea gulls will eat the remains, just like Niles said they would."

But hey-where are the sea gulls? They’re all gone. Frightened off by the explosion.

"Niles!" shouts the mayor. But Niles doesn’t answer. He’s gone. Nobody in Victoria Beach ever sees Niles again. Rumor has it that he eventually found a PR job up in Ohio. Working for Firestone.