Federal Agents are working a Medicare fraud case at a psychiatric hospital. They have all the necessary search warrants and subpoenas signed by a federal magistrate and the hospital’s administrative staff is standing by to assist.

Agents are also tape recording all incoming and outgoing telephone calls as part of their investigation. That’s how we know about the following incident:

After many hours of intense examination of patients’ health records, the dozen or so Federal Agents are hungry, so the senior agent in charge gets on the telephone and calls a nearby pizza delivery place. The conversation goes something like this:

Fed: "I’d like to order 15 pizzas, nine with pepperoni, six with Italian sausage, plus 25 large Cokes and plenty of napkins."

Pizza guy: "These will be delivered to where, sir?"

Fed: "We’re here at the State Mental Hospital."

Pizza guy: "The State Mental Hospital?"

Fed: "That is correct. I’m a Federal Agent.

Pizza guy: "Lemme get this straight, sir. You’re at the State Mental Hospital and you’re a Federal Agent?"

Fed: "That’s correct. Actually, we’re all Federal Agents here and we’re very hungry. How long will this take?"

Pizza guy: "We’ll try to have your order ready in 20 minutes, sir."

Fed: "One thing more. It’s Sunday night and the front doors are always locked so tell your delivery man to bring the order around to the back. We’ll have somebody on the lookout."

Pizza guy: "You guys are all Federal Agents?"

Fed: "Indeed we are, and we’ve been working all day so we’d like you to expedite our order. Understood?"

Pizza guy: "You’re all Federal Agents, like guys with guns and stuff?"

Fed: "That is correct!"

Pizza guy: "And how will you be paying for this order, sir?"

Fed: "We’ll be paying for it in cash. We’ve passed the hat and we’ll be paying cash. Just remember to come to the back door because the front doors are always locked. Okay?"

Pizza guy: "*click*"