Spud is headed for Austin, Texas, and his sister’s wedding. He finds an excellent price for roundtrip tickets on the internet, and decides to combine the family wedding with a business trip.

Spud arrives at the airport two hours ahead of time to allow for beefed-up security. He presents his e-ticket number to the agent at the airline’s ticket counter.

He tags his three duffle bags and tosses them on the scales. The ticket agent asks, "Did you pack these bags yourself?"

Spud stammers a bit because he’s not sure he wants to admit he knows what’s in the bags. "Why do you need to know that?" he asks.

"It’s procedure, sir. Has anyone asked you to place anything in your bags?"

Spud is getting real nervous. "Why all these questions, Miss? I paid for my ticket and all I want to do is fly to Austin. I don’t want no trouble."

The ticket agent has already pressed the panic button, and moments later, there stands trouble-two armed National Guardsmen on either side of Spud. The ticket agent opens the three duffle bags to inspect them.

"Hello! What have we here?" asks the agent as she removes several arm-loads of brand new mens’ clothing complete with manufacturer tags and store labels. Last, but not least, are several Zip-Loc baggies of crack cocaine.

Later, in the security office, Spud admits that he thought he might do "a little business" while he’s in Austin, so he brought along some new clothing which he’d "borrowed" from a men’s store. "I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘shoplifting,’" he says.

Spud claims he packed the crack cocaine just in case he needed some fast cash for a wedding present for his sister.

I’m sure you’ve figured out that Spud never did make it to his sister’s wedding. He did try to buy her a greeting card at the jailhouse canteen, but they were out of them.