"The Shadow," a crime fighter from the old days of radio drama, had a saying: "The weed of crime bears bitter fruit." Then "The Shadow" would laugh this weird, sinister laugh. Kids who listened to radio learned early in life that crime did not pay, even though the hours might be good.

Homer never learned that. Earlier this year he lost his job which was going to cause trouble with Family Court because there was a child support issue. All this by the tender age of 18.

Homer decided the solution to his problem could be solved by a crime spree. Naturally. What else could a person do in case of a financial emergency?

Homer’s first attempt was to rob a drug store, but that went sour when he dropped his toy gun on the floor and it broke into pieces. Embarrassed, he picked up the parts and ran.

Later that night, Homer targeted a super market. He picked up a couple of candy bars and when the clerk rang up the sale he sprayed her with pepper spray and reached for the cash drawer.

The clerk was coughing and gasping, but she still managed to slam the drawer shut and run before Homer could get his fingers on the money. As the inept stickup man stumbled out of the store he had trouble breathing. He was having an asthma attack, so he dug into a pocket and pulled out his inhaler.

As Homer continued to stumble toward his rental getaway car he must have figured, "Things can’t really get any worse." Not only could things get worse—they did.

Homer had locked the keys in the car. He found a fragment of a cinder block and smashed a window. In a hurry to get away, Homer failed to turn on his headlights. The first patrol car he passed stopped him.

During interrogation, Homer told a detective he always thought of himself as "kind of a cool guy." However, he agreed with the detective that crime was not really his "thing."

Charged with armed robbery and aggravated assault, maybe Homer will learn a new line of work after several years of making license plates.