Ardis spends several nights at the kitchen table in his apartment mapping out a master plan. He knows that banks use video cameras so he’ll disguise himself. That way the cops won’t know who to look for.

Days later, with the robbery firmly planted in his brain, Ardis jumps into his car. He makes a quick inventory to be sure everything is ready. The mask, a plastic gun that looks like a real .45-caliber semi-automatic, and a floor plan of the targeted bank.

Ardis pulls out of his parking place and heads for the bank downtown. Along the way, several people call 911 to report a suspicious looking man driving an early ’90s Buick. Each caller is describing Ardis’ car. What’s he doing to call so much attention to himself?

For one thing, Ardis put the mask on as soon as he got into his car. It’s a brown paper bag with two holes cut out for eyeholes. Soon he realizes that other drivers are staring at him, so he pulls the bag off.

Parking near the bank, Ardis puts the paper bag back on. As he enters the bank through a revolving door, the door brushes his paper bag mask and turns it slightly. Now the eyeholes no longer line up with Ardis’ eyes.

The fledgling bad guy nearly panics, but he gives it a try. "This is a stickup—put the money in a bank...I mean, a bag." None of the tellers seem to understand Ardis. Partly because he’s so scared his voice in running several octaves high and trembling. Ardis’ commands are also muffled by the bag. He forgot to cut out a mouth-hole.

Ardis hears tire squeals out front and realizes the police have arrived. Running out of the bank with a paper bag still over his head, Ardis runs smack into the outstretched arms of a SWAT team member. One more thing, Ardis is unarmed. He forgot to bring his plastic 45 that looks like a real gun. He also left the floor plan of the bank on the car’s front seat.