Trooper Gilliam is parked in the median clocking speeders. He turns on his lights and begins to move out as he clocks a Mercury at 86 miles-per-hour. That’s when the trooper spots a Chevy Lumina in the opposite lane driving in a zig-zag pattern.

Trooper Gilliam instantly crosses the median. This is before the highway department installed the cross-over cable barriers in medians to prevent head-on collisions.

Trooper Gilliam is right behind the zig-zagger. Vern, the driver of the Lumina, is jumping back and forth behind the wheel, waving his arms wildly. The trooper can only imagine what’s going on in that car.

The Lumina slows down and finds its way to the shoulder as Trooper Gilliam calls in the Lumina’s tag. As the trooper walks toward the stopped car, Vern continues his gyrations behind the wheel.

The trooper taps on Vern’s window. Vern lowers the glass saying, "You won’t believe what’s going on in here."

"I probably won’t," says Trooper Gilliam, "but I can’t wait to hear your story."

"Officer," says Vern, "I’ve been fighting off a green head fly — a real killer that’s trying to eat me alive."

"Sir!" asks Trooper Gilliam, "do you have any alcoholic beverages in your car?"

"Yessir, I have a half gallon of Vodka I got back at the last exit," says Vern as he reaches down and hands over a bottle in a paper sack.

As the trooper notes the bottle’s seal is intact, Vern resumes his wild arm movement inside his shirt. "There he is again."

The trooper opens the door. "Step out of the vehicle and place both your hands on the roof of the car."

The trooper reaches down inside Vern’s shirt to see what’s going on. "YOWIE," yells the trooper as he pulls his hand back.

"See, I told you," says Vern.

"That little sucker bit me!" says the astonished trooper.

Vern goes home without a ticket, and the trooper misses an 86-mile-per-hour speeder. Trooper Gilliam is also introduced to a really mean green head fly.