The following are reported calls to 911 operators. The conversations were gleaned from a list written by an unknown author on the internet:

Dispatcher: "9-1-1, what’s your emergency?"

Caller: "I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner."

Dispatcher: "Do you have an address?"

Caller: "No, I’m wearing a blouse and slacks, why?"

Dispatcher: "9-1-1, what’s your emergency?"

Caller: "Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich."

Dispatcher: "Was anything else taken?"

Caller: "No, but this happened to me before and I’m sick and tired of it."

Dispatcher: "9-1-1, what’s your emergency?"

Caller: "I’m trying to reach ‘nine-eleven’ but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it."

Dispatcher: "This is nine-eleven."

Caller: "I thought you just said it was nine-one-one."

Dispatcher: "Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing."

Caller: "Look, honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid."

Dispatcher: "9-1-1, what’s your emergency?"

Caller: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart."

Dispatcher: "Is this her first child?"

Caller: "No, you idiot! This is her husband."

Dispatcher: "9-1-1."

Caller: "Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn...I think I’m going to pass out."

Dispatcher: "Sir, where are you calling from?"

Caller: "I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Darn....."

Dispatcher: "Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?"

Caller: "No."

Dispatcher: "What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?"

Caller: "I was running from the cops!"