Monroe hates it when gasoline prices go sky high. Don’t we all. But Monroe has figured out how to deal with the rising fuel prices. He steals gas.

I should tell you Monroe has been in and out of jail ever since he was 14. He learned from his daddy, who spent most of his adult life in prison — he was Monroe’s role model.

This particular weekend Monroe is checking out shopping centers where tractor trailers sometimes park during the weekend.

He spots a tractor trailer parked on the edge of a shopping center where there are few lights and no cars nearby. There’s a fork-lift next to the truck, but nobody’s around.

Monroe gets a gas can and a rubber hose out of the trunk of his car. He sticks the hose into the truck’s gas tank and starts the siphon. After a few minutes Monroe tries to see how full his gas can is, but it’s too dark to see into the can.

Before I explain what happens next, I should tell you Monroe dropped out of school in the eighth grade. As his friends would later tell police, "Monroe ain’t the sharpest knife in the drawer."

In order to check the level of gasoline in his can, Monroe used his cigarette lighter to see. I don’t suppose I need to draw a picture here. Let’s just say that Monroe sustains second degree burns on parts of his face, hands, and arms. Somebody in the parking lot sees the conflagration and blankets Monroe with a jacket to snuff out the flames. By the time the fire department gets there, both the truck and the fork-lift are in ruins.

Monroe spends a week in the hospital, after which he is charged with arson, destruction of private property, and theft. Turns out this is the third time Monroe stole gas — only the light was better the other times, and he didn’t flick his Bic.