Lucius is in his mid-fifties, balding with gray sideburns as he walks into the Cedar County National Bank with larceny on his mind.

The man is pot-bellied and waddles like a duck. This would-be bank robber’s image is further enhanced by his clothing: a red and white striped shirt and plaid pants that look like they came out of a forty-year-old catalog.

"I’ve got a bomb tickin’ in my pocket," Lucius says, "and if you don’t give up the money, it’s gonna blow us all up." With that pronouncement, all three tellers duck down behind the counter. The branch manager closes and locks his office door.

Lucius looks around, shrugs his shoulders, walks out of bank, gets into his pickup truck and drives off. A waitress in the restaurant across the street sees Lucius leaving the bank and takes special notice because of his outlandish clothing.

The cops arrive. While they are interviewing the bank employees, Grace, the waitress from across the street, walks over to the bank. "Y’all talking about the guy that was dressed kinda funny?" she asks.

"You see him leave the bank?" a detective asks.

"I most certainly did," Grace says. "He got into a blue and white Chevy pickup."

"You didn’t happen to notice the tag number, did you?" the detective asks.

"FINDME," says Grace.

"I’m serious," the detective says, "did you catch the tag number?"

"I just told you, detective," says Grace, "the tag number was FINDME, I swear to you."

There’s muffled laughter in the background as the detective gets on the police radio and announces that the driver of the blue and white Chevy pickup with the tag number "FINDME" is wanted for bank robbery.

A state trooper answers almost immediately, "I think we got your man right here, detective, he was driving 15 over (the speed limit) when I pulled him."

Lucius, who has no previous police record, is being held in the Cedar County Jail charged with attempted bank robbery and making terrorist threats.