CSI television shows have given real-live cops the opportunity to use fertile imaginations to catch naive criminals.

We’ve already written about the "spaghetti strainer lie detector," and the "neutron skin particle test." These devices exist only in the minds of detectives with a sense of humor. Here’s another bit of bogus forensics you may find amusing.

A detective is talking to the prime suspect in a church burglary. So far the guy denies any knowledge of the incident, but Detective Chub has high hopes that he’s talking to the right guy.

Detective Chub, an avid outdoorsman, owns a Global Positioning System (GPS) reader which measures the holder’s exact location — longitude and latitude.

Meanwhile, back at the cop shop: Chub drives the suspect out to the crime scene where a church was recently burglarized. Chub hauls out his GPS and proceeds to explain to the suspect that satellites constantly take digital photographs of every square inch of the earth’s surface and store that information by time, date, and geographic coordinates.

Detective Chub pulls out his cell phone and says (and this is a falsehood): "We’re now connected to the FBI’s satellite surveillance system. If I call the GPS hotline and request a photograph of this exact location at the time the burglary occurred — you’ll be in it up to your eyeballs."

"What do you mean?" asks the quivering suspect.

"I mean," says Detective Chub, "that downloading a high resolution, 16-by-20 photograph from a satellite costs $37,500. If your image is anywhere in that picture, you’ll be required to pay all costs before the court will allow you to walk out of this jail."

Detective Chub adds: "Of course, if you’re not in the photo then obviously you’re innocent and there’s no charge. But if you were here that night — you’re dog meat."

Minutes later the suspect gives a written statement, confessing to the burglary. Later, in court, he enters a guilty plea. The prisoner is relieved that he doesn’t have to pay for the satellite picture.

Detective Chub defends his trickery, saying, "The government already has the technology to do most of what we tell these dirt bags. It’s only a matter of time before we put it to daily use."