Our thanks to the Memphis Commercial Appeal for parts of this story: Two young punks driving through a nice neighborhood during the Christmas season spot a brightly lighted house and see people through a large bay window. They decide this place will be "easy pickings" and pull up near the house.

The punks kick open the front door, burst into the living room and begin shooting. Punk Number One shoots up a chandelier in the dining room while Punk Number Two blasts limbs off a Christmas tree.

The male guests are told to empty their pockets and put the contents on a coffee table. One woman is escorted to the bedroom area by Punk Number Two and ordered to bring the ladies’ purses into the living room.

Passing near the entry way, Punk Number Two spots a sword mounted on the wall. It’s a Civil War relic once worn by an ancestor of the homeowner. The punk snatches it off the wall and leaps into the living room.

While Punk Number One holds a 9mm pistol on the gathering, Punk Number Two swings the sword like he’s the Count of Monte Cristo — or maybe one of the Three Stooges.

He lashes out a bit too close toward his partner. The tip of the sword grazes the slide on the pistol — then slices off Punk Number One’s trigger finger. The thug screams as blood spurts from his hand.

Unnerved by the incident, the punks turn and run out the front door, with Punk Number One holding a napkin over his four-fingered hand. Wallets and purses are left behind.

Soon the cops arrive and begin collecting blood samples (for DNA). Punk Number One’s right index finger is bagged. Soon, the print on the finger is matched to Studs McQueen, recently discharged from prison. He’d been serving time for, you guessed it — "home invasion."

Looks like Studs’ new nickname will be "lefty." And when the judge signs the commitment papers for these two hoods it’ll be proof once more that "the pen is mightier than the sword."