The clerk tells detectives a guy named Dewey walked into the store about 10 a.m. with a 9mm semi-automatic pistol. "The guy, that would be Dewey," says the clerk, "points the gun at me and demands all the money — plus a pack of cigarettes."

The clerk says he emptied the cash out of the register, slightly less than $20, and handed it over. Then Dewey the Gunman says, "What about my cigarettes?" The clerk turns around to get the smokes.

Suddenly there’s a loud BANG! The clerk turns around and sees Dewey holding the gun in one hand and the money in the other hand. There’s blood dripping out of Dewey’s pants. "Never mind the cigarettes," Dewey says, and painfully limps out of the store.

You’re probably wondering: "How did the clerk know the gunman’s name was Dewey?" That’s a fair question. Turns out "the guy had his name stitched on his work shirt from Cornell Plumbing Co.," the clerk explains.

Cornell Plumbing confirms they have an employee named Dewey, and they give the cops the guy’s home address. Minutes later the cops arrive at Dewey’s apartment. The gun and the holdup money are still on the kitchen counter.

Dewey is in the bathroom with his pants down trying to clean up the bullet wound where he shot himself trying to put the gun back in his belt.

The cops take Dewey to the emergency room where they hospitalize him for a gunshot wound to the groin. As soon as he’s discharged, Dewey faces felony charges of armed robbery.

Dewey should look at the bright side — during his 7 to 9 year stretch in the Big House, he’ll have lots of chances to keep up with his plumbing skills in the kitchens and bathrooms all over the state’s prison system.