Knoxville police are called by a 25-year-old man who claims he is stuck in an airshaft at the city’s Museum of Art. Yahoo News goes on to explain that a rescue team of police and firemen rush to the scene. Up on the museum roof, cops and firemen find young Richard stuck some 45 feet down in an air shaft. The first thing the guy says to the cops is, "Mission failed."

"What the heck does that mean," cops must be wondering. After the rescue party hauls Richard out of the duct work he shows them his badge revealing himself as Agent #0931, a secret operative of the Illuminati.

That introduction certainly demands an explanation. The Illuminati, founded in 1776, is a group of conspiratorial agents operating undercover as the power behind the throne controlling world affairs by manipulating governments and corporations. Some say the Illuminati is fictitious, others say it’s real.

Richard, the Illuminati guy, tells police he’s been sent to the Knoxville Museum of Art to find and defuse a MERV V6SS-22AN Soviet-made nuclear warhead armed with a 14.5 kg. enriched uranium warhead with a plutonium trigger.

Richard claims he was notified by his Illuminati contact that the nuclear device is concealed inside the sculpture of a blue cow in a basement exhibit at the museum. Before Richard can reach the basement (through the airshaft), he is notified to "abort the mission" because intelligence is flawed. Where have we heard that before? The blue cow with the nuclear warhead is now in an exhibit in a museum in Memphis, some 400 miles away.

The Tennessee cops don’t buy Richard’s story — nor do the rest of us. The last we heard, Richard was in the Knoxville lockup being held under a $2,000 bond, charged with aggravated robbery. He should get a Golden Globe award for storytelling.