Between bursts of brilliance that produce wonders like radar and WinstonChurchill, the British show a penchant for brainstorms of the sort that keep the Twilight Zone ticking over.

The latest of these is a proposal that they vote on who should be king. This is a central theme to a report on "Modernizing the Monarchy," by an influential think-tank called Demos. It seems some Britons just can't wait to get their own Bill Clinton or Boris Yeltsin, so worried are they about whether Prince Chuck is really up to it.

A monarch has ruled Britain for the best part of the past millennium, but its people are forever wondering whether it actually is a good idea. They went overboard a bit in the 17th century, lopped off the head of King Charles I and let a wart-faced fanatic named Oliver Cromwell run the place for the next few years.

When old Ollie departed to another plane to annoy Jehovah, or more probably Old Scratch, the people showed their appreciation by removing his skull. With a collectively uttered "OOPS!" in one of history's most stupendous examples of mea culpa, they restored the monarchy in the person of King Charles II, the headless royal's kid.

And, of course, they went back to griping about royal nuisances. The Demos initiative is billed as a plan for "modernizing" - which you should read "abolishing" - the monarchy. It is simply the latest effort to turn Britain into a republic, complete with its own power-mad politicos with their own troubles with zippers, booze and money - sometimes all at once.

Demos wants Queen Elizabeth II stripped of her constitutional role as well as her position at the head of the Church of England. They want a referendum held on her successor - in this case, Prince Charles, her eldest son, the one who got stuck with Princess Diana for a wife, which is probably why he took to talking to plants on occasion.

If on Election Day Chuck for some reason was not flavor of the moment, he would be out on his ear and, under the Demos scheme, Parliament would undertake to appoint a head of state. One of the Spice Girls, maybe, or Screaming Lord Sutch, head of the Monster Raving Loony Party.

A look at its track record suggests that leaving matters in the hands of Parliament is right up there with letting the cat baby-sit your mouse. It was Parliament that sent Chuck I to the chop and turned Cromwell and his New Model army of thugs loose on an epic spree of destruction and pillaging, the ugly results of which can be seen to this day at castles and stately piles across the land.

One member of Parliament, Oswald Moseley, thought Hitler and Mussolini were fine role models in his attempt to turn Britain into a fascist state. Another MP thought the capital's Heathrow airport was too far to go to catch a flight and suggested that a new airfield, complete with 10,000-foot runway, be built in downtown London, about four blocks from Buckingham Palace.

Yet another proposed moving the monoliths at Stonehenge to London's Hyde Park (site of the proposed airport), and the ancient site on Salisbury Plain then be fitted out with plastic replicas.

Demos, the think-tank founded by a former member of the Communist Party, comes to the fray with a fascinating track record for original thinking. In one report, it suggested that soap operas were useful for teaching people about relationships; in another it proposed that the European Union set up its own version of the FBI.

The organization has close ties with Prime Minister Tony Blair's Policy Unit at No.10 Downing Street. One of its members, Mark Leonard, was instrumental in packaging the odious phrase "Cool Britannia" to underscore a belief in high places that Britain needs to lose its image of stately homes and picture postcard villages.

Odd, that, considering that tourism is one of Britain's biggest industries - and tourists are paying big money to see Windsor Castle and Churchill's ancestral home at Blenheim, and other stately homes, and the pretty villages that surround them. They are not dropping by for tea at juvenile delinquent-infested council estates and other such symbols of egalitarianism.

Mr. Leonard is 23 years old. And I'm thinking about running for king.

Thought for the Week: A day without sunshine is night.

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