April 8, 2002 -

ALEC'S A DRAW!

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At least in Florida. And there is Algore news. Those and much more.

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Now, the details...

TALLAHASSEE, Florida -- Let's see. Florida Democrats are willing to pay more than twice as much to listen to a fool than to hear the Father of the Internet. Tickets to actor/activist Alec Baldwin's speech to the 2002 Florida Democratic Party State Conference cost $125. A ticket to listen to former Vice President Algore is $50. Organizers note that Baldwin once promised to leave the country if George W. Bush were elected president. "Many Democrats are a tad on the brain-dead side and maybe don't know the election is over. They're afraid this will be the last chance they'll have to listen to Alec," said party spokesman Yallo Dawgge.

NEW YORK -- And in other Gore humor news, Al offspring Karenna Gore Schiff hinted that she might run for political office. Mrs. Schiff, 28, was an important factor in helping her father lose his presidential race. She said she identifies with New York politics and would run from New York if she chooses to bless the political system with her presence. "Hey, it worked for Hillary," she said, adding; "And I've got an edge. I actually LIVE in New York."

WASHINGTON -- Ah, Camelot. The Corcoran Gallery of Art will recreate the Kennedy era for a capacity crowd of 700 Washington elitists. The idea is to present the White House as Jackie Kennedy knew it. There will be strolling string musicians and a display of more than 70 original gowns and outfits that Mrs. Kennedy wore in her husband's brief years in office. To complete the Kennedy ambience, the organizers can place a camera in a recreated White House bedroom, where a JFK lookalike can have sex with a blonde bimbo. (Just a thought).

ANNAPOLIS, Maryland -- Maryland voters rival Louisiana when it comes to the number of crooks they have elevated to public office. Now comes word that the General Assembly has approved a measure that will allow twice-convicted felons to vote once they complete their sentences. Democratic Gov. Parris Glendening says he will sign it. "I have not yet been indicted, much less convicted, of a felony but the history of Maryland governors indicates I'm likely to do some time. And I'd like to be able to vote when I get out," Glendening said.

WASHINGTON -- In a touching display of bureaucratic charity, Postmaster General John Potter promised the nation that postal rates won't skyrocket for two years once the nation's mailers are raped with another big increase this summer. "We need to increase the ridiculous incentive bonuses for our hard- working Postal Service executives, but we'll get the money for that by cutting back on service and closing a few Post Offices," Potter said. Potter said people who object to the 3-cent increase on first-class stamps (to 37 cents) might want to write a letter to somebody who gives a damn what they think.

SACRAMENTO -- Maybe the governor will change his name to Gay Davis. Always good for a laugh, Gov. Gray (Blackout) Davis told a homoweekly newspaper that he doesn't support same-sex "marriage" but probably will work to make California the second state to enact "civil unions" for homosexual couples. Davis is a Democrat and helped California become a national laughingstock over electrical power. Up for re-election this year, he wants to pretend that "marriage" and "civil unions" are different. "I want California's homosexual community behind me," Davis explained.

TOW, Texas -- Word comes that the death of Britain's Queen Mum was heralded by a 41-gun salute - apparently because an old queen had died. So, hold your ears if Elton John falls ill.

TOW, Texas -- I would never have known what a beast I am had I not read about the textbooks of women's studies programs at various colleges. One textbook says marriage is a burden and an "instrument of oppression." Another says motherhood is said to be "a mixture of satisfaction and pleasure, plus anger, frustration, and bitterness." (I add parenthetically that motherhood might seem to have a lot in common with fatherhood.) Yet another book says fathers are "foreign male elements" who stand between mothers and daughters. Ridiculous as the textbooks are, it's somewhat sobering to realize there are 900 women's studies programs across the country; 15 of which can lead to a doctoral degree.

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: What's the entry-level wage for a graduate with a degree in Women's Studies?

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