May 20, 2002 -

PASSPORT POLTROONERY!

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The Brits are bumbling, and mumbling.

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And more. Now, the details...

LONDON -- The Brit newspapers are busy: trying to act like French newspapers. The London Independent interviewed American journalistic lamebrain Dan Rather, who opined that a mood of "extreme patriotism" in the United States has stopped reporters from asking "difficult questions" of American leaders. While you try to control your gag reaction, recall that this is the same Dan Rather who worshipped Bill and Hillary after they lied for eight years and stole the silverware as they exited the White House. It's not possible to forget Dangerous Dan's remark to Bill and Hill at a CBS affiliates meeting: "Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you. Thank you, Mr. President. If we could be one-one-hundredth as great as you and Hillary Rodham Clinton have been together in the White House, we'd take it right now and walk away winners." (Sorry Dan. You're rich and famous, but still a loser.)

The tabloid London Mirror had a lead story headlined: "Bush Faces America's fury for hijack failure." Uh huh. Mirror "US Editor" Andy Lines wrote: "Relatives of victims joined Democrats in condemning Mr. Bush's decision not to reveal security service warnings that the US faced a massive terrorist attack." He went on: "The White House was alerted about the danger of al-Qaeda suicide hijackings two years before the September 11 outrage - and the FBI and CIA both sounded the alarm weeks before bin Laden's men struck." Andy conveniently failed to note that Bush wasn't President two years before the attack.

However, there was good Brit news for Americans. Anne Robinson, the arrogant Brit who put the "b" with "itch" as host of the Weakest Link, is leaving America. She presumably will resume her avocation, which probably is chasing cars in England. Her parting word for Americans is that we're stupid: her evidence of that being that only five percent of us hold passports. However, there was empirical evidence that arrogant Annie isn't totally wrong about all Americans. Take the 22-year-old Great Falls, Montana fellow who was stuffing a .40-caliber handgun into his waistband while driving. The gun went off and the man's nickname is now "One Stone." There is no evidence that he held a passport.

ALEXANDRIA, Virginia -- Anne Robinson presumably would appraise John Walker Lindh as a strong link. Taliban Johnny, after all, had a passport and thus got to Afghanistan. Plus, he doesn't care for Americans, either, since he was trying to kill them and their Northern Alliance allies as a soldier for al Qaeda. However, now that the Taliflake is in U.S. custody he wants all protections afforded by the Constitution - even some that don't exist. Take for instance his right to go free because he is being punished for "associating" with an unpopular group, the al Qaeda terror network. Johnny's lawyers say that violates his First Amendment rights. We had barely recovered from the laughter spasm over that one when Johnny asked that firearms charges against him be dismissed, because he had a 2nd Amendment right to carry arms for the Taliban and al Qaeda. It appears there are two possibilities: either Johnny's lawyers don't have much to work with or they don't have passports.

ATLANTA -- There's no such thing as a one-way passport. If there were, I'd vote for one for Georgia Democratic Congressnutcase Cynthia McKinney. Rep. McKinney says she feels "vindicated" by the Democrat-stirred potboiling over warnings about al Qaeda and its proclivities for attacking America. Ms. McKinney's original attack of lunacy held that President Bush allowed the terror attacks to happen so his father's pals could profit from defense stocks. Speaking on a radio show this week, the supposedly vindicated McKinney said, "Now is the time for our elected officials to be held accountable. Now is the time for the media to be held accountable. Why aren't the hard questions being asked?" Do you think there might be something going on between Madcap McKinney and Dangerous Dan Rather?

JEDDAH, Saudi Arabia -- There appears to be a link between wearing towels on the head and so-called male-pattern baldness. Arab News reports that young Saudi males are losing their hair and links the Arab skinhead crisis to the traditional head covering worn by what passes for men in Saudi Arabia.

NEW YORK -- Word comes from a Baba Wah-Wah interview that former Today co-host Bryant Gumbel and I have something in common. It seems Bryant also can't stand Katie Couric. Showing the class everyone expects of him, Gumbel marked his departure from his failed CBS morning show by giving his exit interview to Baba of ABC.

PHOENIX -- Two convicted killers want their death sentences tossed out because the judge who sentenced them was a pot smoker. The two worthies include a man who murdered in a dispute over the sale of a typewriter and one who raped and killed a debt collector in 1981.

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: Shouldn't liberalism be like acne? Something that disappears with age?

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