November 18, 2002 -

LARRUPIN' LETHALITY!

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Lots of trash is hitting the dumpster.

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And there's a lot more. Now, the details...

HUNTSVILLE, Texas -- Texas takes out some of the trash this week, with three slimeballs scheduled for lethal injection in its death chamber. This week's societal garbage run includes Crag Ogan, 47, William Chappell, 66, and James Lee Clark, 34. Ogan was a protected federal informant who got irritated because a Houston police officer didn't stop writing a traffic ticket when Ogan wanted to talk to him. Ogan shot the cop. Chappell will become the most senior citizen put to death in Texas since the state resumed executions. He murdered three Fort Worth citizens as they slept. Testimony showed Chappell got revenge because one of them identified him as a child molester. Clark was on parole on a burglary conviction when he raped and killed Catherine Crews, 17. She and a companion were murdered the night of June 7, 1993. Barring interventions by the courts, Texas will finish 2002 with 34 executions. As we generally say of the Dallas Cowboys, we can do better next year.

The Nov. 5 election promises to return a modicum of societal good housekeeping to Maryland, where dim-witted Democrat Gov. Parris Glendening had declared a moratorium on executions. Glendening said too many black people had been sentenced to death in Maryland. There was no indication that the convicts had not committed the crimes that brought the ultimate sentence, but Glendening is a by-the-book Democrat and believes in ratios. However, Republican Gov.-elect Robert Ehrlich Jr., said he will revoke Glendening's moratorium as soon as he takes office in January. Ehrlich said he will review clemency requests on a case-by-case basis. Ehrlich defeated Lt. Gov. Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, who has a Kennedy smile but a Glendening I.Q. It will be a watershed development for the New Century. A Maryland governor with a brain.

JARRATT, Virginia -- Lovable Virginia, which promises to room-temperature-ize John Muhammad and John Lee Malvo if they're found guilty as the Beltway snipers, sent Mir Aimal Kasi to begin molesting the 72 virgins promised by Allah. Kasi, a Pakistani, killed two CIA employees in a 1993 shooting rampage outside the spook agency's headquarters. Dozens of anti-death penalty activists protested the execution. One woman brandished a sign reading, "Life is sacred. Do not kill." She obviously must be an adherent of Islam, that religion of Peace and Love.

NEW YORK -- Poor Phil Donahue. The tired old lefty's babble show on MSNBC attracts viewers at about the same rate as Rush Limbaugh lures communists. Donahue is expected to scream his last soon, leading us to ask, how many r's are there in "good riddance?"

TOW, Texas -- Here's one for the "say what?" file. An old coots' circuit involving former wire-service people carried this item, which one of my former old coot cohorts asserts to be a true "correction" from the Ottawa Citizen and Southam News: "The Ottawa Citizen and Southam News wish to apologize for our apology to Mark Steyn. In correcting the incorrect statements about Mr. Steyn, published Oct. 15, we incorrectly published the incorrect correction. We accept and regret that our original regrets were unacceptable, and we apologize to Mr. Steyn for any distress caused by our previous apology."

WASHINGTON -- It seems that not much -- other than the Massachusetts While Whale -- is left of the so-called Kennedy Mystique. The mighty New Dork Times reports that President John F. Kennedy's medical records have come somewhat to public view. And it appears that the man the Kennedy-loving media portrayed as "youthful and vigorous" was a barely breathing medical mess. Kennedy, it seems, was popping painkillers and antianxiety agents, stimulants and sleeping pills, as well as hormones. He took extra doses of all in times of stress. Sen. Teddy Kennedy, lone keeper of the Kennedy lie, is so depressed by the public revelations that he is considering taking himself for a midnight drive on Chappaquiddick Island.

SAN FRANCISCO -- Gay activists will distort anything to promote their kinkitude. Their cause celebre de jour is the case of nine Army linguists who were dismissed from the military because they are homosexuals. Seven of the cunning linguists were discharged after they told superiors they're gay. Now that's the "don't tell" portion of President Clinton's "don't ask, don't tell" policy about kinks. The military doesn't ask and soldiers don't have to tell. Two other trained linguists got their walking papers because they were discovered in a compromising situation. Note to gay activists: The military isn't supposed to ask, and you boys/girls/whatevers aren't supposed to tell. But there's nothing in the policy that says "don't look at what Bruce and Lance are doing."

BOSTON -- There's a new syndrome: post-traumatic slavery syndrome. PTSS is characterized by delusional thinking among African-Americans who hope that politically correct fools will open their wallets to pay people who have lived free in the greatest nation in the world.

Meanwhile, back in Fun City, 26 people have been charged with cheating $508,000 from charities trying to aid victims of the World Trade Center terror attacks.

ATLANTA -- Everybody's favorite fool, Jimmuh Carter, said on Larry King (Almost) (A)Live that the United States should disarm, setting an example for Iraq, Iran, North Korea, et al. As a survivor of the Carter presidency, I believe I might sue. Can I claim I'm suffering from "Post-Idiot Presidential Brain-Death Disorder?"

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: Was JFK suffering from "Post Marilyn Monroe Quickie Disorder?"