December 30, 2003 -

CUSSING COPOGRAPHY!

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You might want to hold your tongue if you want to curse a Montana police officer. And then there's Howard

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Now, the details...

HELENA, Montana -- From the land where Men Are Men and Sheep Are Nervous comes a court ruling most of us can love. In a 5-2 ruling, the Montana Supreme Court held that obscenities that can be considered "fighting words" are a crime -- even if the target of the obscenity is a cop. The Montana ruling goes against the grain of federal court stupidity as enunciated by the looney tunes on the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco. The 9th Circuit (usually known as the 9th Circus) has held that police officers are trained to keep their cool. Under that reasoning, it's okay to suggest that a cop's mother chases automobiles because the cop is supposed to be able to take it.

The ruling goes against Malachi Robinson, a dimwit from the college town of Missoula. Malachi was bopping across an intersection where Missoula County Deputy David McGinnis sat in his squad car. Malachi yelled that McGinnis was "(expletive) pig." McGinnis got out of his car and confronted Robinson, asking if he had something he wanted to talk about. There was. Robinson swore at McGinnis again. McGinnis arrested Robinson, who was convicted of disorderly conduct and fined $50.

Two female justices on the Montana court apparently are qualified to join their fellow robed idiots in San Francisco. Justice Patricia Cotter, joined by Chief Justice Karla Gray, said the confrontation was McGinnis's fault.

They somehow remind me of an British nutcase liberal columnist, Polly Toynbee. Peabrained Polly was taken in by a Nigerian fraud scheme. Now Polly didn't blame her parents for producing an idiot. She didn't blame Britain for letting the scamsters get to her. She didn't wonder if maybe she had eaten some meat from a mad cow or smoked some tainted pot. No, she said it was all George W. Bush's fault.

CONCORD, New Hampshire -- Those two Montana Supreme Court justices might be stupid enough to get federal judgeships if Howard Dean happens to make it to the White House. Dean seems to share their problem with distinguishing the good guys from the bad guys. Dean got to demonstrate his backstroke after he told a New Hampshire newspaper he didn't want to prejudge Osama bin Laden's guilt in the 9/11 terror attacks. Dean said, "I still have this old-fashioned notion that even with people like Osama, who is very likely to be found guilty, we should do our best not to, in positions of executive power, prejudge jury trials." The poor souls at the Concord Monitor didn't realize that the leading Democratic presidential candidate had come close to suggesting Osama be read his Miranda rights. Their headline on the story was "Dean's secure in his view of Saddam." Going into damage- control mode, Dean said that, as an American, he wants to make certain Osama "gets the death penalty he deserves." (How very, very, old-fashioned of you, Howard...)

TOW, Texas -- Is it me, or is Kwanzaa just becoming too commercialized? Surely there must be someplace where the newspapers are full of, say, "Kwanzaa Eve 70 percent off sales." That's not Llano County, where Kwanzaa crowds rival the throngs that don't show up for Left-Handed Lesbians Midnight Wiccan Mass. Like nobody. But there is a Kwanzaa commercial problem in Charlotte, Nawth Carolina, where some local jerks are upset because Bank of America produced a Visa gift card decorated with symbols of Kwanzaa. The "Nubian Rootz Cultural Center" (I'm not making that up) said the card promotes overspending by blacks. The NRCC threatens a boycott of Bank of America.

The entire affair is rather strange. The word "Kwanzaa" sounds very African and ancient but it is the 1966 brainchild of Ron Everett. Everett has ridden Kwanzaa to become a professor in California under the new name of "Maulana Karenga." (His college gig came after a prison gig or so, by the way). Karenga is chairman of the Department of Black Studies at California State University at Long Beach. Kwanzaa has been a commercial success for Ron.

My friend, J.R. Dubya in Las Vegas, is a wordsmith. And he tells of a word I have never met. It's "kakistocracy," meaning "the worst of all governments," or "government by the least qualified." Which brings us back to Howard Dean. Let's imagine that President Bush is videotaped in bed with two young boys AND Michael Jackson. That might put President Howard Dean atop the "kakistocracy," which would then be known as the "kakiskookistocracy."

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: If you're having a Happy New Year, just whom should you blame? Howard? George? Ron Everett?