June 30, 2004 -

HARRUMPHING HYPOCRISY!

---

Cheney said a bad word.

---

Now, the details...

The Washington Post kicked with both left feet when Vice President Dick Cheney suggested that Democratic ass Patrick Leahy consider an impossible sexual act. In an editorial headlined "Conduct Unbecoming," the Post sniffed that Cheney wasn't being "civil." Leahy is the Vermont senator who supports late-term abortion for anybody President George Bush nominates to a federal court. A lefty acquaintance of mine is a stalwart of the Vermont Democrat establishment. He is ambivalent on Leahy's stature. He can't decide whether the biggest jerk he has met in Vermont politics is Howard Dean or Leahy.

It has to be a horse race but Leahy probably should win on seniority. Lately Leahy has called Cheney and Bush "extremists" and stopped about an inch short of calling Cheney a crook.

Funny, but I can't recall the Post (or any other left-wing rag) getting its lace panties in a knot when Sen. John Kerry called one of his Secret Service agents a "sonofabitch" when Kerry fell while snowboarding. Or when Kerry used the f-word to describe Bush policies in a magazine interview. Obscene language from Democrats is viewed by the liberal establishment as standard discourse while expletives from the right are "incivility."

Cheney should suggest that the Washington Post consider a close personal relationship with a duck.

Peter Jennings, ABC Television's most irritating Canadian, anchored a report on the horrible treatment we're handing out to the poor enemy combatants at our prison for Taliban/al Qaeda killers at Guantanamo Bay Naval Base. The largest human-rights violation Peter could find dealt with a Pakistani-born terrorist who was forced to stand in front of an air-conditioner for hours.

I usually chuckle at Peter's reports, but this one is worth protesting. There are plenty of non-terrorists in Llano County, Texas who deserve to stand in front of air conditioners in June, July and August. And I want George W. Bush and Donald Rumsfeld to know that those of us covered in all-American Texas sweat object to the unconscionable cooling of terrorists at Gitmo.

John (Honker) Kerry cancelled a speech to the U.S. Conference of Mayors, meeting in Boston, because he would have had to cross a picket line. Boston's police union, and firefighters, have been picketing Mayor Thomas Menino wherever he goes. War hero Kerry looked at the picket line and turned tail.

Reports from Osama bin Laden's cave indicate the al Qaeda leader was pleased at the Boston report. Osama will dispatch operatives to a high-level meeting to establish an al Qaeda membership in the AFL-CIO. "We will charter the International Brotherhood of Terrorists," said an Osama lieutenant. "When President Kerry is in the White House, Osama will ring the Middle East with IBT pickets and the American infidels will not be able to pass."

Paul Thorpe relays a common-sense suggestion for Don Rumsfeld and his boys and girls. He says: "If hooking an Iraqi or El-Qaeda prisoner's genitals up to a car battery will save even one innocent civilian's, American GI's or other coalition troop's life; then I have two things to say: 1. Red is positive (+) and 2. Black is negative (-)."

There's bad news for the children and great news for pornographers. Ever vigilant to aid the American Civil Liberties Union in its campaign to turn society into even more of a cesspool, the court struck down a six-year-old law aimed at shielding children from Internet porn. The ruling came on a 5-4 vote.

Mauro Barraza got our meddlesome Supreme Court to stay his execution. Barraza was scheduled to be cleansed from society on Tuesday for the murder 15 years ago of Vilorie Nelson, 73, of Haltom City, Texas. The court stayed Mauro's execution so it can decide if Mauro deserves our sympathy because he was only 17 when he beat and stomped Mrs. Nelson to death after breaking into her home.

In other news about a legal system gone bonkers, two young men from Staten Island denuded the city of New York of $25 million because they are, well, not all that bright. Virgil Brown and his brother, John, climbed over a three-foot fence and dived off a 700-foot-long city-owned fishing pier. Headfirst, of course. John explained that he had no way of knowing the water was only two feet deep. Virgil jumped in (headfirst, of course) to help John. Both are now quadriplegics. Virgil didn't explain just why he didn't know the water was shallow when he saw John hit bottom. But Virgil could explain that it wasn't his fault. He said, "If there had been a sign telling me not to dive, I wouldn't have done it." Uh-huh.

And Scott McGloughlin, a bartender at Rick's Pub in Dedham, Massachusetts, has sued the Massachusetts Lottery Commission because a 400-pound lottery ticket vending machine tipped over when two of Scott's patrons got into a fight. The machine fell on Scott's left foot and his left big toe had to be amputated.

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: If al Qaeda gets to join the AFL-CIO, will it be insensitive to speak of "Muslim union goons?"