July 7, 2004 -

ASSIDUOUS ABORTIONOGRAPHY!

---

John's against abortion, and anything that might interfere with it.

---

Now, the details...

Democratic presidential nominee John F. Kerry is getting to be so conservative that he might join the National Rifle Association and then ask the lovely Teresa to let him lead when they dance. Not that I believe John has a conservative bone in his left-wing body, but he has figured out that most states are a tad less liberal than his beloved Taxachusetts. But even I was surprised when Honker John said he is "personally" against abortion. He said, "I oppose abortion, personally. I don't like abortion. I believe life does begin at conception." Now that's a tad like saying, "I'm for the death penalty, but I am against executing murderers. Or anybody else."

Honker John picked smoothie lawyer Johnny Edwards as his vice-presidential running mate. The immediate effects were felt in North Carolina, where doctors now can resume treating patients and ambulance drivers can go about their work without fear that Edwards will rear-end their vehicles. Democratic National Committee Chairmouth Terry McAuliffe predicted the Edwards selection would give Kerry a bump of 8 to 12 percentage points in the next series of opinion polls.

"If we don't see the poll numbers go up, John Edwards will sue the entire polling sample, the polling companies, the telephone companies used to make sampling calls and everyone else associated with polling malpractice," a DNC lawyer said. Everyone should be worried. Edwards rang up more than 45 million-dollar judgments or settlements during his career. Kerry sources denied that Honker John picked Edwards out of fear that Edwards would sue him if he didn't.

Edwards will bring his old talents to bear in foreign policy. Edwards plans to sue Osama bin Laden for unspecified pain and suffering, as well as malpractice in performing 3,000 late-term abortions without having a medical license. And Edwards might sue Iraqi terrorists for violating weapons laws. "These terrorists won't know what hit them when they get inundated with legal paper from the guy who brought the entire North Carolina medical establishment to its knees," a Kerry insider insided. (He/she/it said Kerry and Edwards prefer that Republican soldiers serve the legal papers.)

Bill Cosby again strode boldly forward. Cosby repeated his denigration of some (not all, mind you) African-American people. Cosby said those who are speaking against him are trying to hide "black people's dirty laundry...Let me tell you something, your dirty laundry gets out of school at 2:30 every day, it's cursing and calling each other 'nigger' as they're walking up and down the street," the comedian said. "They think they're hip ... they can't read, they can't write, they're laughing and giggling, and they're going nowhere."

Cosby was proved correct when Detroit followed Los Angeles and Chicago in passing legislation that seeks to require companies seeking city contracts to disclose any profits they might have made from "slavery." The concept is now almost too stupid to grasp. The chief beneficiaries from slavery nowadays are Americans whose ancestors were plucked (by their fellow blacks, by the way) from Africa and brought to the greatest nation in the history of the world. Some might say that's beside the point. But I'd say there is a "gain" to be measured between being crocodile bait in the Congo and a computer programmer in, say, Detroit.

I'll believe the reparations people are serious when they agree to allow companies to deduct losses associated with slavery and the war fought to free the slaves. If "profits" are fair, then so are "losses."

Speaking of slavery brings us naturally to the topic of Homeland Security and the asserted "enslavement" of those illegal immigrants who have risked their lives to be in the U.S.A. It seems that the topic alone makes intelligent people lose their minds. A case in point is Homeland Security Undersecretary Asa Hutchinson, who whined and groveled because a Border Patrol team arrested illegals far north of the border. California Democratic Rep. Joe Baca said the Border Patrol "outstepped its jurisdiction" in arresting illegal aliens who were illegally alienating themselves about 100 miles north of the U.S.-Mexico border. So let's ask Mr. Baca to tell us. Can the Border Patrol arrest illegals if they're 10 feet outside the border? How about a mile? Ten miles? Or do they get immunity when they evade detection after twenty miles. These are questions only a fool, or a special-interest politician, can raise. Illegal aliens are illegal aliens. The concept isn't tough, even for a California Democrat.

On a more environmentally friendly note, I heard a radio commercial for a Hill Country land development. The announcer says the lots feature huge oak trees – trees that go back to the "turn of the century." Got to be some kind of tree steroids at work here. How can oak trees get huge if they're only four years old?

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: If it's illegal for "undocumented workers" to be here, why is it improper to call them illegal when they don't have a job? (And they're here illegally...)