July 21, 2004 -

BUNGLING BURGLARISM!

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Sandy drops secret docs into his socks.

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Now, the details...

Bill Clinton's National Security Adviser, girlie-diplomat Sandy Burglar (or maybe it's Berger) admitted filching top-secret documents from the National Archives while "reviewing" material on Clinton's behalf for the 9/11 Commission. Mr. Burglar, who gets second ranking behind Clinton in allowing Osama bin Laden free rein to attack America, stuffed documents into his shirt, pants and maybe even his socks. Some of the documents have not been recovered and no doubt never will be. The New York Post noted that the Kerry/Cutie/Clinton/Burglar team must have an affinity for Chuckles the Clown from the old "Mary Tyler Moore Show"? You know: "A little song, a little dance, a bunch of secrets down my pants."

In other news of the Kerry/Cutie ticket, organizers are putting together a mighty river of scum for the election. Not voters, of course, but lawyers. If the mighty New Dork Times is to be believed (admittedly a debatable proposition) there will be Kerry/Cutie lawyers watching everywhere, hoping to do better than Algore did if the 2004 election can be stolen by ambulance-chasers.

In a terrible, horrible, strange, funny, true, statement of fact, California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger laced into male Democrats in the California Legislature, saying they won't confront budget issues and are "girlie men." Actually, Schwarzenegger was being kind. Many of the male Democrats in his legislature aren't masculine enough to warrant being called "girlie men." California male Democrats plan to ambush the governor soon. Some will load their purses with lead weights and others will attack the governor with their spike heels.

One serial liar is peddling his autobiography ("My Lies") while another has gone into hiding. Bill Clinton is basking in the glory of being a two-term president, confessed perjurer and serial sex offender. But his understudy, former Ambassador Joseph Wilson, fell short of the Clinton Model for Peripatetic Prevarication. In case you have forgotten girlie-man Joe, he's the husband of CIA drone Valerie Plame. Joe started a "BUSH LIED!" chorus over the question of Iraq trying to buy uranium from Niger. But it's clear to anyone with an IQ above single digits that "JOE LIED!" about everything.

Joe's exposure as a Clintonesque liar gives us reason to give severe scrutiny to John Kerry's speeches – since Joe claims to have helped Kerry as a speechwriter. He also campaigned with Kerry in six states. Joe the Falsifier did bring us some humor, though. His Web site is restorehonesty.com. It was paid for by the Kerry/Cutie campaign. So far, I haven't seen anything from the Kerry/Cutie machine about the fibster in their midst.

One of the guiding lights of thought is the mighty New Dork Times in reverse. If the Dork hates something, it might be lovable. So we know that the fans and management at the Aladdin in Las Vegas were correct when they rebelled vociferously over washed-up entertainer Linda Ronstadt's gratuitous on-stage bouquet to girlie-pig Michael Moore. We know that, since a Dork editorial said Ms. Ronstadt was denied her First Amendment right to speak her alleged mind. Sorry, but people paying good money to hear music have a right to kvetch if the singer launches into political BS. Hats off to the Aladdin for escorting lamebrain Linda off the premises and telling her not to return.

It's possible that AZT has serious side effects. That's a possible conclusion from girlie-wimp Elton John's laugher that "stars" are afraid to speak out against the war in Iraq. Elton says the evil Bush administration is using "bullying tactics" to hinder free speech. Rising high above his loafers, Elton emoted: "There was a moment about a year ago when you couldn't say a word about anything in this country for fear of your career being shot down by people saying you are un-American." (Of course, being a Brit, "Sir" Elton is other-than an American.) His proof of government suppression of speech is another laugher. He notes that Toby Keith's popularity was enhanced for supporting President Bush while the Dixie Chicks took a nosedive when their lead airhead denounced the President during a foreign concert.

Rod Paige is one of THOSE black people the NAACP hates. He is President Bush's Secretary of Education and has this strange belief that educating children – black, white or whatever – is good for the children. In the backwash of the NAACP's politically driven attacks on Bush, Page wrote this in the Wall Street Journal: "Through his education policies alone, President Bush has done more for the African-American community than any previous president, including the so-called first black president, Bill Clinton. That's a secret some black leaders may not want millions of African-American voters to know."

How can Rod Paige, a black man who has devoted his life to helping children, be a racist? It's a stupid question, admittedly, but worth asking since the NAACP hates him so much. The answer lies in the soul of the NAACP, if it still has one.

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: Do you find it strange that so many Clinton scandals involve pants?