August 18, 2004 -

DECLOSETED DECLARATIONS!

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A strange Democrat comes out, without slamming the closet door.

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Now, the details...

All homosexual Democrats should throw a few stones in the direction of Governor Jim McGreevey. Governor McKinkee got national attention, and quite a few laughs, by announcing, "I am a Gay American." That, McKinkee said, was the reason he needed to resign as governor – with his resignation not taking effect until mid-November. In point of fact, New Joisey voters didn't give a damn about McKinkee's sexuality, or confusions about it. Once they think about it, they will wonder just why McKinkee put his Israeli boy toy in a $100,000 a year Homeland Security job. And as events unfold, it's likely that McKinkee will face indictments for the Louisiana-style political corruption that has been a tradition in New Joisey.

However, McKinkee's announcement can serve as a model for other politicians. Senator John Forbes Kerry can summon his children, his multimillionaire ex-wife and his present billionaire wife and announce, "I am a Gigolo American."

John Edwards can put on half a can of hairspray and intone, seriously, " I am an Ambulance-Chase American." Edwards can weave that into his theme – that there are "two Americas. One America for lawyers who can catch ambulances and the other America for the poor slobs who couldn't catch one if it had four flat tires."

New Joiseyians were understanding about McKinkee's lack of understanding about his sexuality. A poll showed 48 percent said he should immediately leave the Governor's Mansion while 41 percent said he could stay in his the state-supported closet until mid-November. But the same poll indicated the voters have McKinkee figured: Nearly half believe he's resigning because of corruption, 8 percent said it's because he is a "gay American" and 11 percent bought his story that he's quitting because he violated his marriage vows by having an affair.

Interestingly, the Israeli who supposedly was the object of McKinkee's affections says he is a "Straight Jew." He said the Governor made repeated sexual advances toward him and he supposedly was filing a sexual-harassment suit against McKinkee.

The good thing about McKinkee dates back to the Bill Clinton years. We finally have a high Democrat officeholder who can believably say, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman..."

There was an interesting conflict of presidential candidacies in Nevada. President Bush gave Nevadans straight talk about his plan to push for a nuclear-waste disposal area hundreds of feet below Yucca Mountain in a particularly unprepossessing part of Nevada. Bush said he understood that many Nevada people don't want the waste site, but that locating it at Yucca mountain is intelligent, safe and in the national interest.

Honker John Kerry, on the other hand, told Nevadans he is against the Yucca Mountain disposal site. That despite the fact that, as a senator, the Honker voted FOR the plan six times. But that was then, when he was a senator from Massachusetts, which has quite a few nuclear-power plants, and this is now, when he's an anti-nuclear, war hero, peace advocate who wants to exterminate al Qaeda in a "sensitive" war.

Senility has finally caught up with Walter Cronkite, who allegedly was the most trusted man in America at one time. Cronkite announced he will no longer write his lame, lamentable and left-wing column. But that doesn't have anything to do with senility and Cronkite's failure to deal with reality. In announcing he is giving up pontificating, Uncle Wally indicated he believes he has been a newspaperman. No, Uncle Wally, you were a TV star and you still have a golden throat. We look forward to listening to you narrate PBS documentaries. You have always been damned good at reading copy good writers write for your impressive set of throat pipes.

Cronkite has the second best set of pipes in broadcasting. First is Paul Harvey. I figure if I ever hear the Lord speak, he'll sound a little like Paul Harvey.

You gotta love quotations from House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, a California nutcase Democrat (please pardon the redundancy). Speaking of the nomination of Porter Goss to be head of the CIA, pink Nancy said: "You must keep the politics out of intelligence." Now before you scoff that that can't be done, consider Nancy. She's in politics and hasn't ever shown even the slightest sign of intelligence.

Florida people seem to need a lot of help. I was flipping across the cable channels and MSNBC had a shot of a Florida beach that was about to be whipped by Hurricane Charley. To the left of the screen was a red flag. The print on the red flag read: "Red Flag. No Swimming." Of course, it's probable that Florida Democrats wouldn't know it was a red flag without assistance.

The mighty New Dork Times is so gay-friendly that it sometimes brings unintended humor to its website. Take this headline on a piece about the course scheduled to host the PGA golf championship. "Whistling Straights: Approach With Care." Close, but the golf course is "Whistling Straits."

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: How many strokes would Governor McKinkee get for a round of golf at "Whistling Straights?"