September 8, 2004 -

GIVE-‘EM-ZELL!

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And there's the Honker's Traitors Brigade.

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Now, the details...

Democrats and "give ‘em hell" seem to go together. There was "give-em-hell" Harry back when Harry Truman was running. Truman had big decisions to make, but they were pretty much self-making. Would he prefer to see hundreds of thousands of American soldiers die invading Japan, or might he want to send the Enola Gay to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima. Truman wasn't all that bright but he understood politics and war. And now there's "give-em-hell" Zell, who is a Democrat telling the truth about Democrats. Zell Miller is a lifelong Democrat who brought the Republican National Convention to its feet with his pointed, and correct, attacks on Honker John Kerry.

Miller is one of those Democrats who would have no problem sending the Enola Gay to end World War II. His speech cut the legs from John Kerry, who would have spent a year pondering whether "Enola Gay" should be renamed something else. (Maybe Enola Straight, which might not irritate homosexuals.)

Zell Miller's speech was so wounding that Kerry probably will put in for 10 or 15 more purple hearts.

The Honker tried to stop his bleeding with what was billed as a "major foreign policy" address on Wednesday. Kerry abandoned the "I-am-war-hero" fictions for the most part, replacing it with a general"I-am-leader" fiction. Kerry's major reference to his four months and 12 days in Vietnam came when he said his war experience proved to him that America should not go to war without a plan for winning the peace.

Let's think on that. Kerry's idea for winning the peace after his Vietnam service was to come home and declare that Americans who fought in Vietnam were war criminals – rapists and murderers who decimated the countryside in the fashion of Genghis Khan.

Can we expect President Kerry will organize a military Traitors Brigade – people who will return from Iraq and declare that Saddam Hussein was a pussycat victimized by a terrorist force of American brutes – augmented by 30 other countries in Bush's coalition. Kerry's Traitors Brigade presumably will draw international support. France and Germany might even pitch in.

People go crazy. Animals go nuts. And the mighty New Dork Times proves that even a huge newspaper can lose its marbles. Matter of fact, the Mighty Dork proves it almost every day – on its increasingly hilarious editorial page. The Times summary for its editorial on the Chechnyan massacre of more than 300 Russians (about half of them children) is titled: "Deadly Stalemate in Chechnya." That's sorely incorrect, since the massacre was in Russia, but the Times continues:

"Unless Vladimir Putin opens up negotiations with legitimate Chechen leaders, Russia will not be the only nation to suffer more terrorist attacks."

The only real surprise of the Saturday editorial is the fact that The Dork didn't find a way to blame George W. Bush for the massacre. Stay tuned. Psychotics are innovative.

The Federal Communications Commission is set to impose a record $550,000 fine against CBS-owned stations for broadcasting alleged singer Janet Jackson's floppy boob during the Super Bowl. That sounds tough, but it amounts to pocket change – $27,500 for each of the 20 television stations CBS owns. And the trend is troubling. If the FCC fines television networks every time a boob appears on the boob tube, coverage of former President Jimmuh Carter could bankrupt CBS, NBC and ABC. Coverage of Algore and Ted the Swimmer could turn out the lights for the entire network broadcasting system.

In other news of sheiskopfs, Michael Moore announced he will not try to get the "best documementary" award for his fraudulent film, "Fahrenheit 911." That's nice. Sort of like Monica Lewinsky announcing she won't enter her name for "Virgin of the Year." But Moore ruined his moment by saying he will enter his schlockumentary for "Best Picture." The depressing thing is that he has a shot.

I say that because of Jim Mars, a guy I knew in my Fort Worth Star-Telegram incarnation. Jim was a couple of bubbles off plumb. He wrote a totally fraudulent book on the Kennedy assassination. Those of us who had so much as a sixth-grade education on the Kennedy assassination laughed at it, but Mars won an Academy Award because Oliver Stone used Jim's totally fraudulent book as a basis for Stone's totally fraudulent JFK movie.

One of my journalistic employers was The Associated Press, which was a down-the-middle purveyor of news during my 14 years. But things, and organizations, change and AP has joined the journalist stampede. One of the dorques who shadows President Bush reported last week that Bush mentioned President Clinton's heart problem during a speech in Wisconsin. Bush said he wished to send Clinton "best wishes for a swift and speedy recovery," and that the audience booed. Then the reporter added: "Bush did nothing to stop them." Shortly afterward, AP filed a retraction. It seems local reporters – not the highly paid scribes on AP's payroll – knew that there were "oohs" at the Clinton news, not boos.

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: Whatever happened to Maria Teresa Thierstein Simoes-Ferreira Heinz Kerry?