September 22, 2004 -

DIPPY DANRATHEROGRAPHY

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Some idiots just won't fade away. News of Dan,

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and more. Now, the details...

The Mighty Dork had an unusually queer headline on a Bush/Rather/National Guard story. "Memos on Bush Are Fake but Accurate, Typist Says." Uh huh. How do we duplicate something like that? Maybe: "Midget is Short, But Tall, Dwarf Says?"

That reminded me of an excerpt from a USA Today story on Rathergate. It came to me from my pal Don Pieper in California. It goes this way:

"Everything just goes so much faster" in the age of the Internetand cable news networks, says Charlotte Grimes, professor of political reporting at Syracuse University. "It's very hard for the media tofind a firm place to stand and sort facts from reality."

This halfwit is wasting her time teaching "political reporting." She obviously is a candidate for a big job at CBS or the Mighty New Dork Times. Those are two operations that specialize in creating their own "realities," no matter what the facts.

As we know, we start spelling Democrat and "dementia" with the same keystrokes. Another "d" word is "Dan," as in Demented Dan Rather. I don't know if we should admire Dan's gall, or alert somebody to call for men wearing white suits and carrying nets. You'll understand the dilemma when you read what Disgraced, Demented Democrat Dan told a New York newspaper reporter about the rising Rathergate saga involving forged documents about President Bush's National Guard service.

Here's Dan's message to the President: "With respect: answer the questions...We've heard what you have to say about the documents and what you've said and what your surrogates have said, but for the moment, answer the questions."

Sorry, Dan, but you're the one who needs to stop stonewalling and answer questions. (Looks like it's time for the men with the nets.)

However, I have some Ratherian items to discuss. Dan, I have in my possession previously unseen documents from CBS News and you need to answer questions about them. No one has seen them before because I just typed them myself. But they all are dated in the last century.

One document, Dan, quotes the CBS DNA checker as stating that Michael Jackson is your bastard son. Since you haven't denied the document, we'll have to assume that's true. Another document hot off my printer states that you, Mr. Anchorman, were Hillary Clinton's lover when Bill was fooling around with Monica. Neither you nor the Senator have denied this, so we have to assume it, too, is true. Yet another document states that you, Dan, invented the Internet but handed the credit off to Algore in order to improve Democratic chances of getting him elected President.

Duncecap Dan once fantasized that he might be remembered for documentaries. But he will go down in history as the idiot face of the Dorkumentary.

Some journalistic swelled-heads sniff that CBS News is adopting a "rope-a-dope" strategy in the Rathergate imbroglio. That strikes me as halfway correct. CBS has Rather. Now all they need is a rope.

AP reports from New Delhi that India now leads the nations of the world in AIDS. Damn, we're outsourcing EVERYTHING!

Nick Clooney is a Democrat congressional candidate in Kentucky whose qualification for Congress is the fact that his son, George, is a not-all-that-bright left-wing movie star. It appears that Nick's handlers know that pink George might not go over all that well in a conservative Kentucky district, so Georgie will babble for money at fund-raisers in Washington and New York. The New York event, poetically enough, will be at a place called "Patsy's." Presumably all the patsies will bring their checkbooks.

Ever in a mood to do something stupid, voters in the District of Columbia elected former mayoral disaster Marion Barry to the city council, again. Well, not exactly. Marion just won the Democratic primary. If Martin Luther King Jr., rises from the dead and declares himself the Republican opponent, Barry might lose. But probably not. Barry is best remembered for a videotaped appearance during an FBI sting operation, in which he was smoking crack in company of a prostitute. "The bitch set me up." Barry said, thus qualifying himself as an adviser to the Kerry campaign.

Louisiana voters whacked the proponents of homosexual marriages, giving a 4 to 1 margin to a ban on same-sex unions. Louisianans went for the quaint idea that marriage is solely a "union of one man and one woman." The amendment also prohibits state judges and officials from recognizing same-sex marriages and civil unions sanctioned in other states. Homosex types will challenge the amendment in court – the only place they have a prayer of winning.

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: Could Rodney Daingerfield play the starring role in a movie named "Dan Rather?" I mean, if Bozo The Clown is already booked.