October 27, 2004 -

EERIE ELECTIONEERING!

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There is a God and the election will be over soon. Maybe before Thanksgiving 2005 (that's allowing for the lawsuits).

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Now, the details...

Maybe Florida people aren't quite so stupid after all. Fewer than 40 Hanging Chadheads showed up to listen to Democrat intellectual Rosie O'Donnell babble about Honker John Kerry's foreign policy and his "global test." Rosie's non-packed house came a night after the has-been singer/actress Cher drew a couple of hundred of the "thousands" predicted for her anti-Bush rally.

But we're nearing the end of the silly season. In a few short days the strident voices of the politically inclined will taper off to, maybe, just a primal howl. National reporters will begin seeking out stories that have gone uncovered while they were busy trying to bring down the presidency of George W. Bush. Thousands of lawyers will be booking hundreds of thousands of hours in suing over vote irregularities, real or imagined, in any state whose presidential election totals didn't amount to a landslide.

Among the more pleasant developments will be an end to the irritating, and harmful, messages from do-gooders who insist on telling people that everybody simply MUST vote, no matter what. Sorry, but that's a bit like saying everyone has a duty to fire up the Hummer and drive, whether or not they happen to be blind.

A few facts illustrate the point. A recent study shows that 70 percent of Americans don't know that Congress passed and President Bush signed a Medicare prescription drug benefit. Sixty-one percent of respondents in another study believe there was a net national job loss in 2004. There was a net GAIN.

Around 60 percent of voters know either nothing or next to nothing about the Patriot Act. Most people can't come close to citing the number of Americans killed in Iraq and six of 10 can't figure out that big increases in domestic spending have increased the budget deficit.

But there is a bright side. My own personal polling indicates that 82 percent of all Democrats know that John (The Cutie) Edwards has great hair.

Unfortunately, only a small number of Americans are aware that CBS News Reader Dan Rather is a left-wing fink. (Not being overwhelmingly bright, Rather himself probably is with the majority). But it still was heartening to see CBS bomb out on its plans for an election-eve bombshell story.

CBS and the rabidly anti-Bush New Dork Times conspired to try to give Honker John a goose over the top with the tale of the Bush administration failing to safeguard 380 tons of dangerous explosives in Iraq. But the Times went with the story early – too early to achieve the desired purpose – and the tale of Bush misfeasance fell apart when it became clear it was only slightly more factual than, say, a National Guard memo from Rather's files. Turns out the explosives were already gone when America and allies invaded Iraq.

The Kerry campaign, of course, continued to flail the phony story. I guess it was easier than, say, putting together a campaign ad asserting that the 380 tons were lost because Saddam Hussein has a lesbian daughter.

We should take symbolic note of the fact that the allegedly missing explosives were at a huge munitions storage area called Al Qaqaa. The symbolism comes from the pronunciation of Qaqaa. It is pronounced exactly like "caca," which is Spanish for...

(If you don't know, ask somebody who knows a little Spanish.)

Meanwhile, Honker John picked up some more foreign support. Now we all know that the Frogs love Kerry, as do most Germans (except for those who might have lesbian daughters). Kerry has been endorsed by many foreigners – including terrorist Yasser Arafat. But a critical Kerry endorsement came this week when Mohammad Amin Bashar came out hard for the Honker.

Bashar, leader of a hard-line religious group supporting Iraqi terrorists, said, "If the U.S. Army suffered numerous humiliating losses, Kerry would emerge as the superman of the American people." Mohammad was joined on the Kerry bandwagon by Abu Jalal, who said violence in Iraq has already damaged Bush. "American elections and Iraq are linked tightly together," he said, adding: "We've got to work to change the election, and we've done so. With our strikes, we've dragged Bush into the mud."

The Democrats also got a boost from Charlie Brooker, a columnist for the Guardian in London. Brooker said a Bush re-election would be horrifying and ended his tirade with: "John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Hinckley Jr - where are you now that we need you?"

After a firestorm of criticism, Guardian editors removed Charlie's ranting from the newspaper's website and said Charlie was jes' funnin' about assassinating Dubya.

The Guardian was nice enough to present yet another anti-American idiot before running the Brooks column. In an interview, former President Jimmuh Carter said Bush has exploited the suffering of September 11. We must take the long view. Jimmuh Carter proves for all time that America is so strong it can survive a complete fool as its president.

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: Was Lee Harvey Oswald enough of a marksman to shoot Jimmuh Carter in the brain? (Nah.)