November 3, 2004 -

FREE AT LAST!

Honker John Kerry didn't benefit all that much from his election-eve endorsement from Osama bin Laden. The mass media outlets generally avoided mentioning that a new videotape from the terrormeister offered a New York-California-Massachusetts peace plan: Vote for Kerry and al Qaeda will go after, say, Texas or Utah or some other "red" state.

Kerry, the most liberal thing wandering around in the United States Senate, announced early in his presidential campaign that it was possible to lose every Southern state and still be elected president. He was correct about half of that. The Honker lost every Southern state.

Flashing the class we have come to expect from him, Democrat Vice Presidential nominee John Edwards took to the stage at 3 a.m. to issue a general statement that the Kerry/Cutie ticket would not concede defeat. The Cutie said, "John Kerry and I have made a promise to the American people that with this election every vote would count and every vote would be counted. Tonight we are keeping our word and we will fight for every vote." Kerry didn't address his supporters. After making his brief statement, Edwards worked off the tension by chasing an ambulance through downtown Boston.

Elections can bring a lot of humor. I laughed myself sick several weeks ago when one of the Austin TV stations aired a commercial for a Democrat zero named Wayne Raasch, who said, "Vote for me and we'll be out of Iraq tomorrow." Voters in Congressional District 11, which runs from the Hill Country counties of Lampasas-Burnet-Llano to the New Mexico line, chose Midland Republican Mike Conaway, a friend and former business associate of President Bush. Conaway won by more than three to one.

Homosexual marriage got slapped around like an al Qaeda volunteer at a New York fireman's convention. Voters in 11 states approved constitutional amendments banning same-sex marriage with most states voting for guys to marry gals, and vice versa, by huge margins. Gays were shocked and dismayed to learn that even Oregon (OREGON!) gave the back of its hand to the idea that Bruce and Lance, or Heidi and Helen, should be allowed to unite in holy homomony.

It is wonderful to see tears dripping from the editorial page of the mighty New Dork Times. The Times tried to sink President Bush with a phony-baloney story about missing explosives in Iraq. Timesdorques have savaged the president with keen, but unprofessional, bias for years. So the Wednesday lead editorial in the Mighty Dork stated, "We wait for the best possible count, ready to accept whoever wins by the rules of the game as the next chief executive."

"When a victor is finally, officially announced, it is important for the entire country to accept him as the rightful president. We have had enough of rancor for a while, and our greatest hope now is that the next president will earn the right to be seen as leader by all the nation."

There was more, but I thought I would stop quoting the Times before we all throw up.

Kentucky voters decided that having a famous left-wing fool for a son didn't exactly qualify Nick Clooney – father of actor George – to go to Congress. As one might expect when the name rhymes with "loony," Clooney is a Democrat.

South Dakota voters showed the door to Washington's leading obstructionist, Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle. Republican John Thune beat Daschle handily after a race that saw Daschle and Thune spend $50 per South Dakota voter. Daschle's liberalism finally caught up with him in South Dakota, a conservative state. When in South Dakota, Daschle has been against abortion, gay marriage and flag-burning. When in Washington, Daschle has been in favor of abortion, gay marriage and flag-burning.

Ah, sweet arrogance. John F. Kennedy's homely daughter, Caroline, sternly warned President Bush: "Stop invoking my father." Now I understand that Caroline has been raised to believe she is some form of American royalty, but that's BS. She's just another horse-faced rich kid who would lurk forever in the shadows if her old daddy hadn't been President. My pal Jeff in Maryland, who covered Caroline's daddy, said it well. He wrote: "Caroline - I knew Jack Kennedy and you're no Jack Kennedy. In fact, Jack Kennedy was no Jack Kennedy."

Caroline wasn't the only Demobrat to disgrace herself. John Kerry's stepson, Chris Heinz, proved himself as the natural son of Maria Teresa Thierstein Simoes-Ferreira Heinz Kerry by calling President Bush a "cokehead." Heinz went on to slur Israel as "...the 51st state, sort of a swing state."

The Demobrats were joined in stupidity by America's Most Trusted Old Fool. That is, of course, former CBS news reader Walter Cronkite, who said he believes Bush adviser Karl Rove might be the evil genius behind the new tape from Osama bin Laden. Speaking to CNN babble-show host Larry King, Cronkite said he is inclined to believe that Rove "who is a very clever man" probably "set up bin Laden to this thing."

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: Whatever happened to having a president who was "selected, not elected?"