December 1, 2004 -

BIONIC BLATHERING!

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One fool down. Others to come.

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Now, the details...

Tom Brokenjaw signs off as the prime news reader for NBC Nightly News this week. Unlike his CBS counterpart Dan Blather, Brokenjaw (also known as Brokaw) made a relatively graceful exit. Not so old Dan Blather, also known as old Dan Rather. Blather will give up the anchor news reading job in March. It is widely anticipated that Blather will be replaced by some other left-wing dork. Canadian pretty boy John Roberts is the front-runner.

Flopping like a carp on land, Dan denied that his transparent plans for an election-eve hit job on President Bush had nothing to do with his leaving. But Blather's getting the boot brought some humor and some insight into the tangled mind of television's most politicized news reader. It's difficult to suppress the smile when we read Blather's interview in the Hollywood Reporter, in which he spoke spookily about the ghost of Edward R. Murrow. In Rather's realm, the apparition of Murrow flits about CBS News. Rather said, "Ed Murrow's ghost is here. I've seen him and talked to him on the third floor of this building many times late at night. And I can tell you that he's watching over us."

Too bad Ed didn't step in and tell Dan to give up on those phony memos about Bush and the National Guard. But a ghost can do only so much, when he's speaking with a fool.

There was a development in Wisconsin that brings hope for survival for the thousands of rabid Bush-haters still snarling and snapping in America's Blue States. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that a Wisconsin teenager survived rabies without vaccination. Physicians are closely monitoring film propagandist Michael Moore and former President Jimmuh Carter to establish whether the anti-viral drugs that saved the Wisconsin girl can rescue them from the ravages of the disease.

The girl was bitten by a bat at a church service on September 12 and did not seek medical treatment. Political rabies-watchers are conflicted over the case. The fact that she was bitten during church indicates to some that the bite wasn't from a partisan bat. Others say Democratic affiliation can't be ruled out because it could have been a dingbat.

Speaking of dingbats brings us to the pressing question of a few halfwit women (and fewer men) who object to being patted down by airport security people. Now female security people pat down females and males pat down males, but some women even threaten to sue because their bras are touched (with the back or side of the hand) in the security screening. I have a suggestion for those people who object to their blessed privacy being invaded before they board an airplane. Take the damned bus!

Now and then there's a real news story that is so bizarre as to be difficult to believe. One such this week involved Venezuela's left-wing President Hugo Chavez being awarded the "Muammar Qaddafi prize for human rights." Chavez's hero in our hemisphere is Fidel Castro and his goal is to have the same power as Fidel. "Moamer Kadhafi" is the dictator in charge in Libya. He is responsible for the deaths of thousands, including those killed in the terror bombing of Pan Am 103 – brought down by Libyan terrorists on December 23, 1988 over Lockerbie, Scotland. Qaddafi denied the "human rights" of 259 people on the airplane and 11 Scots on the ground.

After receiving the prize, Chavez launched a tirade about America's "return to imperialism..." He said American imperialism threatens Iran and added that he feels "solidarity with the Iraqi people..."

Qaddafi didn't think enough of the award in his name to hang around for the presentation. What's next, though? The "Jimmuh Carter Award for a Strong National Defense?" Or the "Bill Clinton Award for Sexual Propriety?" The "Ron Artest Award for Fan Interaction?" The "Orenthal James Simpson Award for Marital Reconciliation?"

The man who might give his own lifesaving award is studying how Democrats can be more effective in addressing religious issues. Senator Ted (The Swimmer) Kennedy said he won't talk about his religious communications plans until his staff continues its research. A Kennedy staffer said the Massachusetts White Whale is particularly interested in communicating his deep personal belief in The Nine Commandments.

Massachusetts Senator John Kerry said he understood Kennedy's reluctance to dive into religious issues. Kerry reportedly will ask Kennedy to take Teresa (sometimes known as Maria Teresa Thierstein Simoes-Ferreira-Heinz-Kerry) on a moonlit drive at Chappaquiddick to discuss faith issues.

The resignation of Frizzell (Pee Wee) Gray was a surprise. Frizzell said he is quitting his big-pay, high-visibility job to spend more time with his family – the at-home portion of which now comprises one 14-year-old son. Frizzell/Pee Wee is better known these days as Kweisi Mfume and he has been president of the NAACP since 1996. Pee Wee and NAACP chairman Julian Bond have imperiled the NAACP's tax-exempt status by their open and rabid support of Democrats and their open and rabid opposition to President Bush.

There will be fawning stories in the national media about Pee Wee in the coming days. You might NOT read in them that Pee Wee is an ex-con who has six children and never has been married. Not once.

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: If Ed Murrow's specter had decided to compose a fake memo to Dan Blather, would it have used a ghost writer?