December 15, 2004 -

CALIFORNIA DREAMING!

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A Left Coast jury discovers capital punishment.

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Now details of that and more...

We got an early Christmas present from the Scott Peterson trial. Who would have thought that a California jury would convict a murderer of murder and recommend the death sentence for a man who deserves to die? However, many of us will be dead long before Peterson is put to death – if that indeed happens. People on Death Row in California die of old age.

The investigation into Rathergate is proceeding slowly. Strange, since the focus of the investigation, as announced, was to establish whether Dippy Dan Rather used phony documents to ambush George W. Bush late in the presidential campaign. There's about as much mystery to that issue as, say, the name of the person who killed Lee Harvey Oswald. The documents were phony and the only people who didn't know that early on were Rather, his radical left producer Mary Mapes and a couple of suits in the CBS suites.

Rather and CBS announced that Mr. Blather will give up his anchor seat in March, but will continue presenting himself as an elderly disgrace on the 60 Minutes broadcasts.

I find it strange fact that Dan and Ms. Mapes weren't let go months ago. One school of thought on the issue holds that Rather and Mapes have done wonderful work for CBS News, even if they have helped its ratings go into the toilet. The more likely possibility is that Rather and Mapes possess a picture of the president of the company making love to a goat.

An entertaining Rather-bashing website, Ratherbiased.com, asserts that Ms. Mapes has been waving around a 68-page document trying to protect her job and her shattered journalistic reputation. Of course, the CBS investigating commission will suspect Ms. Mapes documents are forgeries.

Many of us can recall hearing and reading descriptions of "gay divorcees." Back in the days before the homosexual movement hijacked a perfectly good word, a gay divorcee would usually be a woman who was carefree and who probably out-lawyered her different-sex ex in divorce court.

As with the word "gay," the phrase "gay divorcee" has been lost to the kinky set. Up in oh-so-liberal Massachusetts, same-sex couples are beginning to legally uncouple. Gay divorces, as it were. This only seven months after a slight majority of dimwits on the Massachusetts Supreme Court discovered that the Massachusetts Constitution stood foursquare behind Bruce marry Lance, or Heidi hooking up with Hermione.

Massachusetts began sanctioning gay marriages on May 17 and the state Registry of Vital Records says at least 4,266 gay marriage certificates have since been issued. There's no accurate count at the moment of the number of gay crackups, but my favorite divorce story involved a 38-year-old woman and a 27-year-old student. The older woman sought the divorce because of "cruel and abusive treatment" during three months of same-sex bliss. That breakup is my pet one because it was filed in Middlesex County, which seems appropriate.

There's a possibility that 2005 won't officially get here. That's because Dick Clark, the world's only 75-year-old teenager, won't be in Manhattan's Times Square to usher in the New Year. This will be the first time in three decades that Dick Clark hasn't counted down for the new year. Clark suffered a stroke and can't travel from Los Angeles for the celebration.

Veteran Dick Clark-watchers indicate Mr. Clark plans to return to his year-announcing position next years and hopes to continue until the New Year's Eve of the year after Scott Peterson is executed.

There appears to be something about Texas roots, advancing age and television that turns some generally sane people into goofballs. Old Dan of Wharton is a national joke and coming in hard behind him is the supposedly revered seer Bill Moyers of PBS. Moyers is retiring at age 70 after a career that took the Marshall, Texas-born preacher to prominence as a suck-up for Lyndon Johnson, then a career in broadcasting. So far, so good, but Moyers will go out as a joke.

He told an interviewer he plans to end his TV career "...telling the story that I think is the biggest story of our time: how the right-wing media has become a partisan propaganda arm of the Republican National Committee," says Moyers. His babbling continued with: "We have an ideological press that's interested in the election of Republicans, and a mainstream press that's interested in the bottom line. Therefore, we don't have a vigilant, independent press whose interest is the American people."

Have another drink, Bill. Invite some right-wing radicals to join you. Maybe Dan Rather, Tom Brokenjaw, Peter Jennings, Baba Wahwah...

I found an interesting sign on the door leading to the men's restroom at the VA Outpatient Clinic in Marlin, Texas. The sign reads: "Manual Automatic Door." Isn't that a tad akin to "Manual Automatic Transmission?"

Door signs are often worth thought. Texas Utilities Company had a sign on the primary door to a meeting house at Fairfield, Texas. It read: "Close And Lock Door Before Leaving." It's a wonder that a few literal-minded engineers or accountants didn't die in captivity.

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: Are gay divorcees likely to be unhappy?