April 6, 2005 -

FLIPPING FIFTH-COLUMNERY!

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We have it all – from Wally to Jimmuh to Hanoi Jane.

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Now, the details...

There is quite a bit of truth in the old saw that goes, "There's no fool like an old fool." Which brings us, naturally, to Walter Cronkite, the CBS News dingbat formerly known to the brain-impaired as the "Most Trusted Man in America." Uncle Wally Cronkite, who has been peddling his left-wing bull for years, says it's time for him to speak his mind. Which is a tad funny, because there's no evidence that Walter has a real mind – unless someone is writing his thoughts for him.

The left-wing dimwit sent a letter under the letterhead of the "The Interfaith Alliance." That alone should tip you to the fact that Uncle Wally has walked off the deep end, since the "interfaith" group includes "agnostics and atheists." I'm sorry, but people who have no faith can't be "within" the faith.

But the dimbulb's targets, which prompt him to speak his alleged mind, are these demons: Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell. Now I don't know all that much about either man, but Rev. Falwell, a fine man, has been in poor health and it's pretty low-rent for a geriatric CBS has-been news-reader to attack him while he is fighting for his life.

Rev. Robertson is healthy and has clear mind – the latter of which gives him an advantage in any hassle with Cronkite.

Mention of a clear mind brings to mind those with very little mind at all, which is why I can report that former Presidential Disaster Jimmuh Carter is miffed because he wasn't drafted for the official U.S. delegation attending the funeral of Pope John Paul II. There are several ways to approach Jimmuh's situation. One is the Politically Correct one: Jimmuh is a knothead and was one of the worst chief executives in our nation's history. So it would be "inclusive" and "diverse" to include Jimmuh in the official mourning party, since fools and idiots deserve to be represented.

But then there's the matter of the Nobel Peace Prize. Jimmuh got one and the Pope didn't. Jimmuh's came because the Nobel committee wanted to give George W. Bush a kick in the shins over the Iraq war. So excluding Jimmuh is a way of honoring John Paul II – who might spin in his casket at the thought of an Idiot Laureate peering down at his lifeless form. (To be fair, John Paul II also opposed the Iraq war. His opposition came on principle. Jimmuh's was rooted in the fact that he is a partisan fool.)

Another partisan fool dodged bullets, for reasons I don't understand. The Bush Justice Department allowed Sandy (Hot Pants) Berger to elude significant punishment for stealing classified documents from the National Archives and deliberately destroying some of them. Sandy, a Clintonoid and former foreign policy adviser to John Kerry, should have gone to jail. Instead he got a $10,000 fine and will lose his security clearance for three years. Trained in the Clinton White House in adroit use of the zipper, Sandy stuffed secret documents into his pants and coat to spirit them out of the National Archives. Then he lied about the thefts for a year.

The only explanation I can dredge up is that Bush and his people mistook Sandy for a Mexican illegal alien and decided to give him a form of amnesty.

Sandy is simply an unpunished felon, but Jane Fonda was, and remains, a traitor. Hanoi Jane is trying to rehabilitate her image with a tell-all book, in which she appears to confirm that she has always been an order of fries short of a happy meal. Fonda relates her sad love life (Ted Turner couldn't make love well because he had to go to the bathroom often). Oh, how my heart bleeds.

Hanoi Jane apologizes, kinda/sorta, for a sliver of her treachery. She says she shouldn't have plopped her rear end on a North Vietnamese anti-aircraft gun. She was grinning like an idiot (who has a better right?) and clapping her hands in glee at the thought of being on a gun that shot down American airplanes.

But she stopped there. Hanoi Jane didn't apologize for her collusion with the North Vietnamese, or for anything else. She apologized only for the "image" of a pampered American bimbo on an anti-aircraft gun.

And mention of traitors brings us to the Frogs. They're always good for a laugh. French lefties got their panties in a knot because their gummint ordered flags on public buildings lowered to half-staff in a sign of respect for the late Pope John Paul II. Frog Socialists huffed that the government was practicing a double standard, because it recently told Muslim girls they couldn't wear headscarves in state schools.

There was bad news for homosexuals who want to traipse to the altar. A CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll showed that public opposition to homosex marriage is at an all-time high: 68 percent.

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: Can Americans trust themselves, since they once held Walter Cronkite to be the Most Trustworthy Man in America?