April 27, 2005 -

NET NUGGETS!

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The truth comes out (and it fits).

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Now, the details...

The best piece of phony photography making the rounds of Internet e-mail purports to be the headstone for the late and unlamented Johnnie Cochran Jr. Cochran is the California criminal lawyer (is "criminal lawyer" redundant?) whose greatest piece of anti-social activity was his defense of a Hall of Famed murderer. The picture of the phony headstone bears Cochran's name and gives his epitaph as: "O.J. Did It."

The nutballs on the American left sometimes are funnier than Jay Leno on his best night. Usually unintentionally. Take the gathering in Kentucky at which Democrats spat fire because evil "fundamentalist" Christians met in a church to oppose Democrats misuse of Senate procedures to block George W. Bush's nominees to the federal courts. The Democrats opposing conservatives meeting in a church drew a small crowd. The Democrats, of course, met in a church to oppose the fact that the meeting they were protesting was held in a church.

(Did we legalize all drugs when I wasn't paying attention)?

After a string of bad news on the execution front, there was a bit of a good development. That came when inmate Douglas Roberts, 42, met the cleansing needle. Roberts was executed for the 1996 stabbing death of a San Antonio man in Kendall County. He became 2005's fifth piece of human scum to stop stealing our air. The good news is that Roberts is dead. The bad news is that he probably had years of appeals left but decided he would rather assume room temperature than grow old in a concrete room.

Meanwhile, other inmates on death rows across the nation continue to sharpen their skills at drooling and babbling. The Supreme Court in 2002 decreed that mentally retarded criminals are exempt from the death penalty.

There will be one name missing when the credits are handed out for the Syrian withdrawal from its 29-year occupation of Lebanon. The name will, of course, be "Bush," as in George Dubya. The American left still can't admit that Ronald Reagan had even an itsy-bitsy, tiny, smallish amount to do with the implosion of worldwide communism. In Reagan's case, Democrats and their fellow travelers say Reagan didn't do anything – that the heavy lifting was done by Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev.

One of these days Washington Democrats will tell us that Saddam Hussein was responsible for the liberation of Iraq.

If you have ever been a boss in any way, you probably can't pass muster with the Democrats to be ambassador to the United Nations. The brouhaha over President Bush's nomination of John Bolton to the U.N. is hilarious. It seems Bolton has, in the past, spoken harshly to subordinates. I think maybe we should assign assassination squads to go through the national legislature and pump a couple of 9 mm bullets into the noggins of any Senator who has ever raised his/her voice to a subordinate. (That way, we would have a unicameral legislative body, until the assassination squads killed everyone in the House of Representatives).

If you have a computer and an Internet connection, chances are good that you have received many opportunities to become filthy rich. The most laughable of the Internet scams come from Nigeria, whose scam artists send out zillions of messages saying that the recipient can get a couple of million bucks or more by sending a thousand or so to a Nigerian address. Again, we have all seen these scam messages. But I was surprised when my friend Norm Clarke in Las Vegas forwarded one to me. It was sent to Norm by "paulfreeman1" at a Frog e-mail address.

Norm is too smart to send money to Nigeria, but maybe he'll have a weak moment and wire a couple thousand to me in beautiful Tow, Texas. That probably won't happen. Norm works hard for his money in Vegas but I'm certain it stays in Vegas.

Thinking of Vegas reminds me to ask that we all say a prayer for the continued recovery of my favorite Yellow Dawg Democrat, Doris (Jo) Cowart of Tow, Texas. Jo had a stroke during surgery several weeks ago. Mrs. Cowart is one of those rarities among today's Democrats. She has a wonderfully ribald sense of humor and doesn't take herself – or much else – all that seriously. We were afraid the stroke had changed her nature, since no one had heard her say anything outrageous in the early days of her recovery. But I'm told that Jo joked that one visitor recently was a "whoremonger."

She's getting better. It's only a matter of time before she arranges another gambling expedition to Las Vegas.

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: If we hike with political correctness in Texas during the wildflower season, shouldn't we avoid trampling the Native-American Paintbrush?