May 18, 2005 -

NEWSWEEK LIED, PEOPLE DIED!

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Now, the details...

Newsweek has joined CBS in journalism's Hall of Shame and even went Dan Rather 15 better. I say that because no one died when Dan lied. But Newsweek lied and 15 people died. The dead in the Newsweek debacle were killed by Islamic nutcases who went postal when Newsweek published a no-source story asserting that American guards at Guantanamo had flushed the Koran down a toilet. The Newsweek story was a piece of crap and anybody stupid enough to subscribe to Newsweek should stop and think for a moment: Is it bright to pay for a publication whose legions of editors are so stupid they don't immediately understand that it simply ain't possible to flush a Koran down a toilet?

Assuming that some Newsweek subscribers are as stupid as Newsweek employees, let me suggest a test. See if you can flush your latest copy of Newsweek down your commode. Then call me. I have a friend who is a plumber and could use the work.

America's legions of left-wing reporters went into full attack mode over the Newsweek story. By reflex they attacked the Bush White House for not correcting the phony-baloney Newsweek story. White House reporters were only a tad less silly than the Pakistani information minister, who said Newsweek's retraction was not enough, adding: "They should understand the sentiments of Muslims and think 101 times before publishing news which hurt feelings of Muslims."p>

My heart doth bleed.

Newsweek's reminding us of what can happen when journalists lie brought us to think of Dippy Dan Rather, the disgraced senior citizen who once anchored the CBS Evening News. CBS took the opportunity this week to announce it is canceling its Wednesday "60 Minutes" program – the one Rather brought into disgrace with his phony story on President Bush's National Guard service.

Some thought Rather might pitch in and try to help Newsweek stonewall and lie about its fakery but a network spokesman said Dan was too busy – he's still looking for Lucy Ramirez. Lucy is the non-existent person who handed fake documents to Rather's mentally impaired single source for the Bush story.

Dan should join forces with another all-American liar. He and O.J. Simpson could hit the links – with O.J. looking for the "real killers" and Dan scouring the rough for sweet Lucy.

Let's say you're a fool. Or let's say you're one of those people who think the Democrats should have absolute control over appointing judges to lifetime appointments. But I repeat myself.

If you love Democrats choosing federal judges, then you'll swoon over Joseph F. Batallion, U.S. District Judge for the District of Nebraska. Battalion is a poster child for the reason Democrats covet the judicial filibuster. This nutball was appointed by President Clinton in 1997. Democrats said he was a "mainstream" judge. Last week Judge Batallion declared unconstitutional an amendment to the Nebraska Constitution intended to block same-sex "marriage." More than 70 percent of Nebraskan voters approved an amendment that stated marriage is a union between a man and a woman and also voided the idea of civil unions, domestic partnerships or other "same-sex" relationships.

Judge Batallion plausibly could have turned down the ban on civil unions and domestic partnerships, but chose, of course, to declare the amendment totally unconstitutional. If you enjoy having a battalion of Judge Batallions meddling in your life, you really do want the Democrats to control federal judgeships.

I was noodling around the Internet yellow pages when I discovered this: "Free Gay Realtor Referrals any City, USA...Free Gay Realtor Referrals." I was tempted to check, just for the hell of it, to see if there was a gay realtor in Llano, Texas. I would bet he/she/it would be showing properties in a 1985 Chevy S10 pickup truck with expired license plates and a Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker.

Oh, those prissy Yankees. Some are oh-so-sensitive – so sensitive that in the next life they probably will return as hemorrhoids. Some New Englandorques went bonkers over the richly deserved execution of Michael Ross, who earned his right to a death penalty by raping and murdering four young women in Connecticut in the early 1980s. One court petition stated breathlessly that executing Michael would bring a "wave of suicides" among other inmates in Connecticut slammers. Ross has assumed room temperature but his fellow inmates are still at 98.6. However, you will pardon me if I don't quite understand why the suicide wave would be a problem.

This is a season of gay bliss in Boston, where former Democratic Congressman Gerry Studds, 68, married Dean Hara, 47. Studds was easily re-elected every year until he ran into some trouble in 1983. That was when it was revealed that he had a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old male congressional page. Studds got a mere only 56 percent of the vote in 1984. We would forget Studds easily, except for his enrichment to the language, by giving us a new Democrat cliche, that being, "turning over a new page."

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: Might the Muslims consider that they hurt my feelings when Islamic nutballs murdered 3,000 Americans?