May 25, 2005 -

VAPID VICTIMOGRAPHY!

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Evil abounds.

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Now, the details...

Our meddlesome Supreme Court has been kind to us. The wise ones find that Jose Medellin, a Mexican on death row for raping and murdering two girls in Houston in 1993, can remain on Death Row. That in spite of the fact that no one told Jose he had the right to contact the Mexican consulate after he and other members of his Mexican gang were arrested for the horrific crimes. However, ever poised to do the wrong thing, the Supremes have reserved the right to "revisit" Medellin's death penalty.

Poor Richard Cartwright didn't have the purported right to call a consular office. Richard, 31, is a native of Chicago who murdered a Corpus Christi homosexual nearly nine years ago. Richard left us through the good graces of Society's Cleansing Needle last week, becoming the eighth chunk of human flotsam executed by Texas in 2005. At least four other confirmed pieces of human scum have pending execution dates, the Good Lord and the Supreme Court willing.

My friend Denny in Missouri reports he was listening to AP Radio network and heard a story about this week's opening of Star Wars Episode Whatever. The AP reported the Star Warian fans were 50 percent men and 42 percent female. My theory is that the samples were taken in Austin, Boston and San Francisco. That would explain the missing 8 percent: they were simply too close to call. Even Mother Nature has a margin of error – in the case of Star Wars fans, it appears to be 8 percent.

Have you heard that the Wookie wants to marry Senator Teddy Kennedy in Massachusetts?

The AP reports at length under a story headlined "Child Population Dwindles in San Francisco." Scribe Lisa Leff finds that married male/female couples with children feel they're an "endangered species." She also notes that classrooms in San Francisco schools are half-empty and that the city has the smallest share of children of any major city – with a scant 14.5 percent of the city's population 18 or under. Lisa's story has a good laugh line: "San Francisco's large gay population — estimated at 20 percent by the city Public Health Department — is thought to be one factor..."

Hey, Lisa, do you really think so?

It's difficult to keep a straight face about "global warming." A story from the Los Angeles Times is headlined: "Antarctica ice cap growing, another sign of warming."

The global warming crappola is a bit akin to the honor bestowed on Nicodemus, Kansas. Nicodemus is in northwest Kansas and was founded in 1877 by 300 black Kentuckians who fled north after the Civil War. Nicodemus has since shrunk to 30 people but it's the ONLY totally African-American community in Kansas. Naturally, the National Trust for Historic Preservation chose Nicodemus as one of 15 sites to be cited for "diversity." Maybe I'm just obtuse, but what's "diverse" about a town with 30 people of the same race? I wonder what the federal gender/racial cops would do to a company that "diversified" the way Nicodemus has.

Now here's a story to warm your heart. It seems that your sensitive and caring government has been paying to make life better for the child-molester "community." Indeed the entire sex-offender "community." I can say that because the New York state comptroller reports that scores of convicted rapists and other sex offenders have been getting Viagra you paid for. Under Medicaid, of course. There's a local fool who incessantly asks what "new programs" George W. Bush has instigated. Bush has instigated more programs than most knotheads could count, but Medicaid isn't one of them. However, I hope Mr. Limpbrain is proud of Medicaid.

We have a new "victim." As is often the case, this one is an immigrant. A multimillionaire immigrant. PepsiCo President and Chief Financial Officer Indra Nooyi victimized herself in a speech to the graduating class of Columbia University's business school. Indra the Ignoramus Immigrant Ingrate used a stupid analogy comparing "continents" to the fingers of a hand – and decided that the United States is the "middle finger" (as in "flipping the bird"). PepsiCo put its spinmeisters on Red Alert and said Indra had been misunderstood and quoted out of context by evil American bloggers. Indra was born in Madras, India and has found fame and fortune in a meteoric rise at PepsiCo. I find this surprising, since Indra isn't bright enough to know that the U.S.A. isn't a "continent."

All told, Pepsi's outlandish defense of Indra's slur on her adopted country simply reminds me that maybe things do go better with Coke.

From the Cottonwood Cove correspondence file...
Dear Newsweek:
I received your `Preferred Subscription' mailer recently.
I plan to subscribe to Newsweek when someone develops a commode which will flush Korans. Let me know.
Love and Islamic Kisses,
Paul

QUESTION FOR THE DAY: If you try to flush your Newsweek, will it float?